The need to feel safe is a need that is hardwired into the fabric or our beings. We look to fulfill this need from others around us – our parents, bosses, newscasters, spouses, and ministers, to name a few. But do you ever look to find it in yourself? Do you feel empowered or capable of creating that sense of security you crave, internally?
Without a doubt people have fears. These fears are based on our beliefs, upbringing, and personal experiences. When we allow these fears to overtake us and start to seek comfort and security solely outside of ourselves, we do ourselves a disservice. We begin to believe that we don’t have the power to create safety or a safe environment, physical or emotional, on our own. We give this power away.
When I speak at workshops I stand in my own security in order to have a calm confident demeanor. This is important to me because when I’ve been an audience member and the presenter is fidgety, uncertain, not confident, I get nervous for him or her. I become uncomfortable, feeling anxious and less safe, less secure. I don’t want my audiences to feel this way when I speak; it distracts from the message. More important, it takes away the sense of safety they want to feel. This is why I aspire to, and hopefully achieve, this calmness of manner.
This wasn’t always the case. I used to be a nervous wreck, especially when giving a presentation. If I didn’t say a line just as I had practiced it, I would get off track for the rest of the speech. Afterward I would kick myself. Public speaking had been very uncomfortable for me.
So how have I been able to gain this presence, this equanimity, that bolsters me as I speak and that makes people feel at ease? I created an internal safety net. First by building a solid foundation of confidence in myself. I accomplished things. I made it through tough times coming out the other side stronger than I had been before. These were the times I realized I, alone, was not responsible for my accomplishments or strength. These were the times I found faith in a higher being. These were the times I knew that all things were working for my good and the good of all involved.
As I search for the key elements that helped me form a firm foundation of self-confidence and faith, the first thing that comes to mind is my experience getting my finances in order. There was a time, even after I’d earned my MBA, that I bounced checks regularly, spent lots of money on credit cards to eat out, and was living paycheck to paycheck.
I got a wake-up call six months after I left my corporate job to pursue my entrepreneurial venture. I was one mortgage payment away from defaulting. It was a sobering moment that made me sit up, take notice, and straighten up. Fortunately, I got another job in record time. I started balancing my checkbook. I put myself on a budget. I stopped using my credit cards. And I began paying down debt. Once I’d done this and had created a contingency fund to be used only for emergencies, I felt safer, in control, and more peaceful. I no longer avoided going to my mailbox for fear I’d find another insufficient funds notice. I could breathe easier and I felt capable.
This sense of security formed out of the introspective work I did, going within to find the belief in myself and faith in God. It took discipline and difficult soul searching that exposed flaws in my character that I needed to address in order to change my situation. It took finding the courage to do all this.
Financial stability was the first piece I put into place to form a firm foundation of personal security. Other skills and accomplishments came later–learning to create an oasis of happiness in a desert of dissatisfaction as I prepared myself for a career change, becoming a certified professional life coach to change my career, and improving my public speaking presence to expand my reach.
I developed a confidence in myself and my abilities, increased my self-worth and clarity of mind; this expanded my awareness and moved me passed old limiting beliefs that kept me stuck and afraid to act. I feel safe in my ability to navigate life’s ups and downs now buoyed by a contingency fund, personal achievements, and a strong sense ofpurpose that drives me forward.
There is power in moving through your fears, passed your self-doubts, and into your authenticity. This is where your authority and personal security lie.
Photo Credit: Michael Coghlan