“I should absolutely go.” I tell myself, logically. “The more people I meet here in France the better.” I awoke this morning feeling disinclined, however, to go to a meeting I have been attending regularly. The people are nice, there is often value in the lecture, but I don’t get a good energetic sense from the event. This last point causes me dread at the thought of going each week and makes me question if I should continue to go.
The inner resistance I feel at the thought of going kicks my intuition into high gear. “Are these the people I should be connecting with at this point in my life?” comes the question. My answer is in direct opposition to my first thought, “No, I don’t think so.” Still I hesitate to blow off the meeting, afraid to burn a bridge that could possibly lead to where I want to go. My going, despite my intuition telling me not to, would be what I call a forced action.
This is the complete opposite feeling I felt when I woke up yesterday morning. Two days before I’d decided not to go to the Saturday morning Weight Watcher meeting. I reasoned, “it’s too early and it would probably be the “same old same old”. The decision was made, or so I’d thought. The following morning I awoke knowing I needed to go, actually I felt very inclined to go. I checked the schedule and there was a meeting that met later in the morning that would fit my schedule perfectly. So I went. I’m glad I did. I met three very interesting people who I hope to talk to next week, and, as a bonus, the meeting was lively and enjoyable. My intuition was right and served me well.
So why did I wrestle, for so long, with forcing myself to go to today’s meeting, when my intuition was telling me not to? I kept telling myself, “If I don’t go every week I might not be accepted. I could miss an opportunity to connect to people who can help me find work. I might not get another chance. I really should go.” Feelings of lack and limited options, thoughts of fear of missing out fought with my counterintuitive sixth sense and I experienced this uncomfortable inner conflict.
This emotion tied to the action of doing something I didn’t really want to do (forced action) is closely related to another I’ve experienced and have watched friends deal with, too. Resistance.
My landlady suggested months ago, before I’d even moved to France, that I should check out the language school located at the end of her street. At the time I balked at the idea – “Learning a foreign language in a classroom setting didn’t work for me years ago, I really don’t see it working for me now. Besides I’m pretty far along in my learning.” These were the messages that flooded my mind. “Nah, not right for me.” When I arrived here in France someone else suggested I sign up for language classes. Having experienced success in communicating in this beautiful foreign language, I was encouraged. But I also was seeing that not being as confident as I’d like to be communicating my thoughts was causing me to revert to my former introverted self. Old images of going out and not talking to anyone flashed in my mind causing me to feel even less confident in myself and more isolated in this country where I knew so very few people.
Suddenly the thought of taking a French class didn’t seem so bad after all. In fact, the idea of taking one and getting my French to the next level kind of excited me. It created a hole in the resistance I’d formed earlier. It took me two days from when I got the school address to actually go and check it out, but when I did I was pleasantly surprised. Despite the investment, I’m seriously considering registering. I’ve even committed to audit one class session to see if it’s right for me.
Initially I resisted because of my ego. “I don’t need a boring old class. My skills are pretty good already (even French speaking locals tell me so).” The wall of resistance fell and my ego took a back seat however, when I realized taking this course could actually help me reach my goals here, to become fluent in French but more important to meet people and make connections beyond the surface level. Instead of avoiding and resisting based on the negative and limiting stories I’d made up, now I’m taking unforced and nonresistant action.
Forced action based on my fears and a limited perspective and resistance based on blocks my ego generated had the exact same effect: they stopped me from making progress toward my goals and threatened my success as I start my new life in France.
Resistance and forced action keep us stuck, safe, and small. When have you resisted something only to find out you should have tried it sooner? When have you forced yourself to do something you knew deep down just wasn’t right for you and wished you stopped doing long ago?
There is a very useful technique that can help you move through resistance and thoughts of forced action. It’s called Start, Stop, Continue and I will share it with you in the coming days.
Photo Credits: Alexandre Chambon