Leap Before You Look?
There is more to life than spreadsheets, back-to-back meetings with no purpose or seeming progress, and going home at night exhausted wondering: “Is this all there is to life?”
Sometimes you’ve got to pull the trigger to figure things out. Sometimes you’ve got to leap before you look so that you can understand what to do next.
For me that was necessary. I was dying inside. I’d mastered a set of skills that my organization didn’t seem to value and that, by extension, made me feel I was wasting my time. I’d mastered a way of being that life had taught me that didn’t seem to make me feel happy, whole, or like my life really mattered.
When you are eighteen years old and you have a job waiting tables at a restaurant you are more likely to put up with the bullshit it sometimes entails than you are when you are fifty. At fifty you are more likely to say screw it and leave that job. I’ve done that.
But when you are fifty and financially comfortable, and you’ve spent a lot of time, energy, and money, to get where you are and to have the life that you were sold on would bring you that feeling of satisfaction and purpose, how do you find the nerve to walk away from the stability you’ve created for yourself? How do you find the courage to follow that urge to do what matters most so that you can feel you are making a difference, and to live in that space that feels authentic, that place that feels like home?
For me it was death. The death of my dad that woke me up, that gave me a new life, a new perspective.
If daddy, my superhero, could die then I would die too. Was working the job I was working and not impacting lives the way I wanted to acceptable? Was not knowing who I was, what I was capable of doing, and not enjoying life how I wanted to spend the rest of my precious, limited days on earth? Knowing that this is my life, not a dress rehearsal, was I willing to continue going through the motions? Could I be on stage, now aware that I was on stage, to feel the shame and embarrassment of being given the part but not putting my all into it. Was I willing, with this newfound awareness to disappoint myself or my maker?
The answer was “no.” But I didn’t make the leap overnight. I didn’t quit my job like an impulsive eighteen-year-old and move to France. The confidence to venture this far out of my comfort zone took time to develop. I didn’t even gain the clarity as to what my next right move was for years after Daddy’s death.
How I got here was by taking an inward journey. One I recount in my first book, Growing Bold. This inner journey is not for the faint at heart. It requires that you tell the truth about yourself, about your beliefs, about your commitment, about who you were created to be and look at these truths square in the face, stare them down until you accept them with loving kindness. Only then can you move on. Only then can the truth of your future self be revealed, bit by bit, as you make small faith-filled steps to take back your life.
Patricia Brooks is a life experiences coach, speaker, and the author of Growing Bold: How to Overcome Fear, Build Confidence, and Love the Life you Live. She is the host of the Discovering Courage Podcast where each week she explores how ordinary people have managed to live extraordinary lives. She will be releasing her second book, Live a Bold Life: 30 Days to Your Fearless Future, later in 2019. Patricia is currently living in France, pursuing her dreams.