When I’m working toward a goal there is always a point in the process when I consider giving up. When I wrote Growing Bold it was when I had the final version in hand and wasn’t sure I wanted to share my personal business with everyone and their momma. When I recorded Growing Bold it was when I thought my allergies would be the death blow to my recording it and I questioned my ability to do voice over work because of them. When I planned to move to France it was when I couldn’t find a place to stay to satisfy one of the visa requirements. At that point I questioned whether it was a sign I wasn’t meant to live in France. At each of these crossroads my confidence plummeted and my fears rose.
But what was it that kept me from giving up on these dreams? It was in these times that I fell back on my “why”. I imagined what not finishing would be like. I felt the pain of not realizing my dreams. I considered whether actually living with that pain would be something I could bear. In each of these cases, the answer was no. Living that future pain felt worse than feeling that current discomfort of fear, of putting in the extra effort involved, or of feeling the disappointment of missing my deadline. I figured out how to push through to reach my goal and satisfy “my why”.
I am not always successful in executing on and completing everything I start, however. In other cases, when a life situation has changed my focus and priorities, that pain of not achieving my goal, lessened or completely disappeared allowing me to change my focus – sometimes temporarily, sometimes for good. In these instances, it’s okay to delay, change your goal, or stop working toward it altogether.
Three years ago I signed up for a Speaker Workshop. I was excited when I did, and I wanted to finish the course and be an in demand speaker using what I would learn in the workshop. I started the online program three times, but I was never able to complete it. My desire to move to France, to write my book, to do other things took precedent and became my priorities. As I reflect on that situation I realize my need to escape an unhappy job was why I’d signed up for the workshop in the first place; becoming a high paid speaker could be my out. I enjoy public speaking and I’m fairly good at it. I would still like to pursue this at some point, however it wasn’t a burning desire, intimately connected to “my why” at that time.
And you know what? Changing your focus or priorities is okay. When you realize what you’re working toward is no longer the right course for you, accept it, make the change, and forgive yourself. If something isn’t right for you, pushing it only makes you unhappy, dissatisfied and less confident to do what it is you truly want to do. The key here is to consciously communicate your decision to yourself (and others is they are impacted). Don’t look at it as a failure, but as a learning experience and move on to what you truly want to do and experience!
Photo Credit: Michael Jasmund