Do you ever avoid making decisions because you think you might make the wrong choice? Have your past decisions led you to things in your life you aren’t happy with?
Perhaps you job hop to find happiness yet you find yourself repeating the same experiences (or mistakes) simply in different organizations? You find yourself miserable their and then start to believe you are incapable of making good decisions. I’ve been here and done that. Or perhaps you’ve married and divorced multiple times and so have given up on the idea of love altogether for fear of getting it wrong again, though deep down you want to be in a relationship. Your fear of making another poor choice keeps you from deciding and taking action. So you stay in this avoidance or limbo living a life that really doesn’t suit you.
Avoiding making decisions can cause us to stagnate and get into a rut. And this can lead to burnout, disappointment, and frustration. We can begin to feel like we are unable to change our circumstances, like things are out of our control. But we might feel a bit conflicted because in the back of our minds we keep thinking there has got to be more to life.
Past missteps can cause us to be afraid to make decisions. And when we are afraid it is difficult to think clearly and to hear or feel our inner sage, what I call intuition. When we are in this state we can avoid making decisions or we can make hasty decisions to get us out of what we might feel is a precarious situation. For example if you’ve been laid off you might accept the first job that comes along, without thinking this decision through and a without assessing what you truly need in your next role or organization. I’ve done this too.
There is a neat book called Yes or No: The Guide to Better Decisions by Dr. Spencer M. Johnson. It’s a parable that talks about true needs vs. wants and gives a decision making framework. This framework brings awareness to the two areas: our logical minds and our hearts. By checking in not only with our minds (head decisions) but also by checking in with our inner knowing (heart decisions) when faced with a decision we come up with better decisions. And when we start making better decisions then the things we experience in our lives start to change and improve.
Personally, I started making better decisions when I got clear and became aware of my key values (things I needed to honor to feel in integrity with myself) and consulted them when considering a choice. The other thing that helped me was paying attention to and not discounting the red flags I noticed as I was considering my next move. These red flags are things that are apparent, but which we do not always want to see or believe because we want a situation to be the right one. For example, Sally has a job interview at a company and she notices that the environment feels heavy, the people look overly stressed, and the hiring manager acts desperate to fill the role, yet she decides to take the job anyway because she felt desperate and that she had no other options. I’ve done this and the results were nightmarish. These red flags provide key information that can help avoid making missteps we would rather not have to deal with.
I have a values chart and assessment that you can take on my website www.thecouragecatalyst.com/value that can help bring the values that are most important to you to the forefront of your mind and that will help you make decisions you are more confident in and lead to better outcomes.
Deciding, choosing and then taking action is when we begin to change our lives. Making better choices leads to taking more appropriate actions (actions that are more aligned with your principles and values) and to having more satisfying life experiences.
That is all for now. Don’t forget to check out the values chart. By for now.
Patricia Brooks is a life experiences coach, speaker, and the author of Growing Bold: How to Overcome Fear, Build Confidence, and Love the Life you Live. She is the host of the Discovering Courage Podcast where each week she explores how ordinary people have managed to live extraordinary lives. Patricia is currently living in France, pursuing her dreams.
Photo Credit: Brendan Church