My Friend, Elizabeth, who just had a birthday shared with me,   “Thirty-nine feels really grown up to me.  You know, at this point in my life my youth is far behind me.” After a thoughtful pause, she continued, “But what really bothers me about birthdays, and especially about turning forty next year, is that I thought I would have accomplished so much more in my life by now.”

I’d never felt dread or anxiety or regret at the approach of any birthday, but now I understood why some people do. A light suddenly came on for me. People set goals and see themselves living a certain way by the time they reach a certain age. They say, to themselves, “By the time I’m forty, I will be married.  I will have two children. I will be living in a big house in the country. I will be successful at work and earn six figures.  By the time I’m forty, I will be happy. “

Elizabeth is a year out from her 40^th and her hoped-for expectations are in the balance.  The big 4-0 is almost here, for her, and she is dissatisfied with her life. Perhaps  she harbors some self-loathing for not having accomplished more or for not being closer to attaining her goals.   During my conversation with Elizabeth, I noticed that she was not only disappointed, but also felt resigned to the fact that she wouldn’t reach any of her goals in the next 365 days. Instead of feeling motivated to create a new plan and work on achieving what she could achieve by the time she turns forty, she was stuck in her despair.  She decided that reaching her dreams, which at one time was a source of hope and inspiration to her, is now impossible.  These goals are now as a source of frustration and low self-esteem.

I’ll be fifty in less than two months and I’m not dreading it at all.  Have I accomplished all that I set out to?  Have I met all my deadlines I set to reach my goals? The answer is: no, certainly not.  But am I giving up on them?   Will I allow the clock to run down without giving my best effort to reach them?  Absolutely not! I continue to work toward them with a lightness in my heart.  I look at my accomplishments at year end and sometimes on my birthday, and note where I’ve won, where my desires have changed, and where I still have work to do.  Then I create a plan and work it.  This takes courage.

These times of reflection can either be great motivators or great depressors.  The choice is yours. After I turned forty-five I was not happy with where I was in life.  I’d accomplished a great many things, but I did not feel content with my job, my relationship status, or how much I weighed.  Turning forty-five was an impetus for me to lose weight.  This decision, and my success at doing so, changed my life.  This decision changed my idea of what I believe is possible to achieve.  It helped me “Grow Bold”.

My conversation with Elizabeth underscores the need for the message I share in my upcoming book, Growing Bold: How to Overcome Fear, Build Confidence, and Love the Life you Live.  In it I discuss three key ingredients, to living a hope-filled and inspired life, one where you feel in charge of your destiny.  My question for you is: do you want Birthday Blues or Birthday Boldness?  The choice is yours!

Photo Credit: Jessica Diamond