“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill
I recently had a coaching session with Frank, a client of mine. I was working with him while he was writing his book which tackles the idea that there are no coincidences in life and that how our lives unfold is perfect, even when inconceivable things happen, things that we classify as “bad”. It’s an interesting theory and not everyone will believe it.
Frank’s purpose in writing the book was to give others who are going through tough times hope and faith. To show them that things they experience that seem terrible, unfair, or impossible as they are living them, could, at some point in the future. make sense and bear an unexpected gift in some form or fashion – a loving relationship, an inspiration to an outside observer, or even a lesson on how to more easily handle a difficult situation that arises in their future.
In the past it was difficult for me to understand how some of the crap I experienced could help me or actually be good for me; but now I do believe in this premise. In fact, after reading Frank’s manuscript and in working with him during that call I became the recipient of one of these unexpected gifts. Our conversation helped me get clear on some things I know to be true for me, but which I’ve avoided accepting as true for fear of being alone, being thought of as arrogant, or being judged as callous.
The morning after my session with Frank, I woke up feeling an incredible sense of peace and calm. This was remarkable because I’d been dealing with (or avoiding dealing with) a relationship that had run its course and that was consuming a lot of energy. In the stillness of the early morning hours that tranquility delivered insights, things I knew to be true yet which I hadn’t, to that point, fully embraced or incorporated into my life. Truths that would set me free. I immediately got up and wrote these truths down. They included:
- My happiness is no less important than anyone else’s. Follow your path to happiness!
- I have been granted the gifts of vision, creativity, and intuition. Trust them! Use them! Don’t be afraid of them!
- Avoidance is a delay mechanism that makes life more difficult. Stop avoiding!
- I am strong and compassionate and the things I do or don’t do impact others. Be intentional!
- It is not my role to save everyone or even those people I really care about, especially not at my own expense. Stop trying to fix situations!
Truth number 5 struck a nerve in me. It was a truth that I only came to see in myself after Frank and I confronted his desire to get his adult daughter to believe in God again, something he had devoted an entire chapter in his book to. In reading this chapter I felt Frank’s stress and anxiety around the situation. I also sensed that Frank might be unconsciously trying to fix the situation. But if you believe that life is unfolding perfectly, then this situation is occurring exactly as it should. There is no need to push to have things be a certain way. There is a reason for the situation and a benefit that will come to light somewhere, sometime within someone.
I had been facing a situation with Patrick, a suitor. He was someone I saw the potential of having a serious relationship with, but who I’d known only a short time. A few weeks after we met he was diagnosed with a life-threatening health problem. I knew in my heart that the timing of our meeting was unfortunate. My desire to help him through his situation came truly from a place of compassion. I wanted to spend time with him as a way of bringing a spark of brightness back into his life, a life which had the very real possibility of being cut short. If I’m honest however, compassion wasn’t my only motivation. In some ways my spending time with him was born out of my need not to feel guilt and not to be seen as heartless in letting go of our relationship.
Frank’s situation with his daughter brought to light the stress and anxiety I was creating in my life by needing to make Patrick’s life better as he faced the fight for it. With this realization I was able to face it. I could allow the voice of intuition guide me in accepting it, in making peace with it, and in taking my next right move in simplicity and flow.
Patricia Brooks is a speaker, life purpose coach, and the author of Growing Bold: How to Overcome Fear, Build Confidence, and Love the Life you Live. She is the host of the Discovering Courage Podcast where each week she explores how ordinary people have managed to live extraordinary lives. Patricia is currently living in France, pursuing her dreams.
Photo Credit: Josh Boot